How to Stop Saying Yes When You Want to Say No.
In this blog post I talk about the 5 ways you can stop saying yes, when you want to say no.
Are you a chronic people pleaser? Do you struggle to say no?
Being overly agreeable can come at a price. When you say yes when you want or need to say no it can prevent you from doing the things you could be doing instead, causing you undue stress and leaving you to fall behind. It can also leave you feeling frustrated or even resentful. But you can learn to start saying no more often.
Here are 5 ways to stop saying yes when you want to say no:
1. Know it’s okay to be selfish
The biggest step in learning how to say no can be simply learning that it is okay to put yourself before others, and it’s okay to not do something you don’t want to do. If your body or mind is saying no, listen. Rather than try to come up with a reason why you should, take the time to acknowledge that this is a boundary for you. Don’t feel you need to make excuses for wanting to say no. We all have limits, and saying yes when we mean no can take its toll on us over time. It’s okay to be selfish every now and then!
2. Get clear on your boundaries
Start by making a list and getting clear on all the things you say and do that don’t benefit you, or that you don’t want or need to do. Have a think about who in your life you struggle the most to say no too. Get clear on what you want your new boundaries to be and where in your life you can start saying no more often. Then, once you are clear on where and how you are going to make these changes, you can start implementing them.
3. Practice saying no
Saying no when you are used to saying yes can feel a bit scary at first, but the more you do it, the easier it will become. So, start with something small and practice, practice, practice. Saying no doesn’t mean you’re a bad person; it just means you have boundaries.
4. Quit worrying what other people think
One of the main reasons why people struggle to say no, is that they are worried about what other people think. This is a common sign of people pleasing. People pleasing is when we put the needs of others before our own to our own detriment. We do this because we value the opinion of others more than our own, or because we have a fear of upsetting others and/or not being liked. This usually comes from our deep-rooted imposter-like limiting beliefs that we are not “good enough”. I cover this in much more depth with my clients, but quit assuming you know what other people are thinking. More often than not it’s not what you think!
5. Say YES to what you do want
People that tend to say yes to the thing’s they don’t want, often in turn end up sacrificing the things they do want. Before you can start saying no to what you don’t want, you need to start saying yes to what you do want. It’s all part of putting yourself first. If you want something, make sure to ask for it. If you want to go out with friends, make a plan. If you want to take time off from work, talk to your boss.
So, in summary, it’s more than okay to say NO. When you stop saying yes when you want to say no, you will eliminate a lot of unneeded stress for yourself.
What in your life can you start saying NO to from today?
Enjoy reading this post? Sign up to be notified by email of new blog posts.